I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
