I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
