so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
