her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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