Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
