So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
