dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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