Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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