my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
