its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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