I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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