the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
