My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
