Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize