But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
