Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
