apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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