Already got asked if we're dating
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
