I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
