do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
