Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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