We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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