Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
