So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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