Got a toothbrush?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
