Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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