After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
sarcasm needs its own font
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
