no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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