watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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