You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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