i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
