So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
