Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
They have beer where we have blood.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
