You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
