It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
