there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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