I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
from now on my penis is your penis
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
two words: eviction party
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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