The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
