We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
