my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
