Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
