Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
false alarm, still single
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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