In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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