like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
