is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
