He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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