He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
