can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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