guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
