Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
