hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
