Christians are straight up FREAKS
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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