hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
