What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
