I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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