I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
