After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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