Sry I called you an 8
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
