So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
