you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
