he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The ass gains better be worth it
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