are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
