In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
