Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my being single is dangerous.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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