No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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