im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I want to make a zoo with you.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize