Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
