Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
