just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Banned from zoo.
Again?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
