guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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