Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
